Today my grandma would have celebrated her 70th birthday. It was a milestone she was really excited to achieve too. Unfortunately, complications from cancer took her life on March 15th, just a few months short. God wanted her before we were ready to give her up. I'm so thankful that we didn't have to see her suffer for very long. Seeing her in pain for three months was hard enough... I don't know how other families watch their loved ones suffer for years. I thank the Lord everyday for sparing her life. It could have been much worse for much longer! But I selfishly still wish she were here :(
When someone says they think about a person all the time, I wonder how often they come to mind. I think about my grandma ALL DAY LONG. Things constantly remind me of her. My house is filled with trinkets from her or that were hers, and my mind is filled with wonderful memories that I will never forget. When I sat down to write the Eulogy, I realized I could go on for days! We made a billion memories together. She was such a driving force in my life. Grandma gave me advice, whether I wanted it or not! She loved me more than I've seen anyone love another human being. I never felt like she had to prove her love, but she often told me that I was her heart. Or, "they are no competition". I don't know why she felt like she needed to always tell me, but I loved hearing it. And I reciprocated my love as often as I could. The last three months of her life were hard to watch, but also very important to me. I was able to spend almost everyday with her. We'd sit in her hospital room and play Farkle or eat orange sherbet. Talk about our day... our fears, our triumphs. I told her all the time how much she meant to me. Even if we didn't see eye-to-eye on certain things, I appreciated her counsel. Jon, Kennedy and I loved that woman like no other and we're just so appreciative of the time we had with her. Just ten minutes before she passed, when it looked like she could not respond, I asked her to squeeze my hand if she could hear me. And she did! That was so important to me because just minutes before that, I told her how much I loved and appreciated her... and how much I was going to miss her. I still cry every time she comes to mind. I just can't believe she's gone...
I sit here, changed. Before Grandma passed away, she'd tell me that I needed to start taking care of myself. She was worried I would develop diabetes... a disease that is prevalent in our family. I told her I'd lose weight when I was ready. Well April 26th came around and I decided it was time for a change. Since then, I've been eating healthy and exercising almost daily. I've lost 20 lbs so far and I'm feeling GREAT! Also, our church has gone through some changes that has made me seek God more and more. Some Sundays are still very hard for me though. When I worship God, she comes to mind. She LOVED singing, especially for God. She loved to hear me sing and was so proud of me. Grandma also loved to cook and bake. I, unfortunately, did not inherit those genes. So for me to be baking from SCRATCH is unheard of! It's a lot of work, but a lot of fun! I'm actually picking up my very own KitchenAid stand mixer tomorrow. Of course she came to mind immediately. She ALWAYS wanted one, but would talk herself out of it every time due to lack of storage in her kitchen. I know it sounds weird, but every time I use it I'm going to think of her. I know she would be so proud of me...
Kennedy has changed in the last three and a half months. She is potty trained for one. That's a HUGE deal. Grandma and I were waiting for that day for sooooo long! On April 23rd, she decided it was time to hop on the potty... and she never looked back. She turned THREE on May 9th and is turning into a little girl right before our eyes! Kennedy is so kind, nurturing and filled with love. She has a mind as sharp as a tack! Don't promise her anything if you aren't willing to go through with it, she NEVER forgets! Kennedy communicates like no other three year old... telling me her feelings, using descriptive words and similes. It's hard for her to hold in her feelings... I have no idea where she got that from. haha! But most importantly, she loves Jesus. A few nights ago, I was cuddling with her and we just finished praying. She started asking about Grandma Patty. She said, "We're going to see her when her back feels better." I told her that we wouldn't see her for a long time. "Because she's with Jesus?" -- yes. "Oh she's not in pain anymore." Nope! She's healed! Then she said that Jesus was far away and I told her that she could call on Him whenever, He's ALWAYS there for us. It was really awesome... because right before that she prayed that He would heal her knees. God is so good.
There are many times during the day I would love to just pick up the phone and call her. Every time I look at my phone, I see the picture of her and Kennedy. Since she has been gone, I find myself in situations where I need her advice. She always knew what to do. I miss her more than anything... and I love her with my whole heart. She touched so many lives while she was here and I know that God has her doing some pretty amazing things in heaven.
I can't wait to see you again, Grandma. I love you.
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