Weathering the Storm

The storms the other day were pretty intense!! It all started on Thursday morning when Kennedy and I were driving home from Brookfield. It was a complete downpour on I-94. We were doing 40 MPH and I couldn't see 30 ft ahead of me. I'm a pretty aggressive driver and nothing scares me... but I started to pray out loud for the Lord to guide our car home safely. As I finished the prayer, Kennedy asked why I was praying. I told her and she said, "Oh.".

Of course my grandma came to mind immediately. She would've called me the night before to tell me that this storm was coming and to "BE CAREFUL Melissa! It's the other drivers I'm worried about.". And because she would've known I was going to be out and about during the storm, I would have received several calls reassuring herself that we were ok. I have to say, I missed those calls on Thursday... I truly missed them. Even though she was a worry wart, I know that she always had my best interest at heart. Nobody loved me like she did and I'll never have that again. Selfish, I know. My heart aches because she's gone and I just don't know how to fill that void. Look at that picture of us! This was taken the day I was born. From the moment I came out, she loved me more than anything... you can see it on her face. She had unconditional love that only the Father Himself gives us.

More storms hit us Thursday night. I drove home and took all the wrong ways... flooding was everywhere! After I finally walked in the door (double the time it usually takes me), Kennedy greeted me with the biggest smile! She exclaimed, "Mommy!! Jesus got you home safely!!!" Wow... that really made my day! She's so smart! I love that she pieces things together the way she does. We have the sweetest little girl and I wish Grandma were here to watch her grow up. I wanted to call her so badly to tell her what Kennedy just said... but I couldn't.

Hurting like this is an awful feeling. When does it get easier??

Baking with Tears

One of my very favorite recipes my grandma used to make was her banana bread. It is HANDS DOWN the best banana bread I've ever had. The first and last time I made it was about 5 years ago. It didn't taste exactly like hers and left me a little discouraged. Well I decided to try my hand at it again. My KitchenAid mixer has been a SAINT for baking, so I knew it would be a lot easier this time around. It turned out AMAZING!! I was so proud of myself. When I took that first bite, I actually had to hold back tears because all I thought about was her. I felt like she was there with me, it was the weirdest thing.

I get so much joy out of baking. It's the best feeling watching people enjoy something I make! It's the same exact feeling my grandma would get. She cooked and baked because she loved it, but also because she loved making people happy with her food. I finally get it after all these years! She would BEG me to let her teach me how to cook. I always told her 'no thanks'... she knew I hated it. Now I regret not taking her up on all those cooking lessons. I wish she could see me now... she'd be so proud of me. Now I just have to conquer that cooking thing...

Love you gma.

The Dentist

Most people know that when their child turns three, it's time to get those little teeth cleaned! Well, even though I work for a dentist, I was dreading Kennedy's first visit. I've seen kids come in and scream bloody murder. But I've also seen kids come in somewhat timid, but very cooperative. Kennedy was somewhere in between the two. She cooperated at first, putting on the glasses and patient napkin (bib). But that was only because I was in the chair, setting the example. When it was her turn to lay back, she freaked... "I wanna go hooooome!" and "I want Daddy!" Funny how they always want Daddy... like mommies are so DREADFUL! I told Mary Kay (our hygienist) that if she didn't mind listening to the screaming, I'd be totally fine with her going to town. We don't force kids to sit in the chair if they aren't comfortable, so she told me it was fine if we had to try again another day. This is exactly what I DIDN'T want. My daughter went from being excited about having her teeth cleaned, to completely melting down. At this point I was just embarrassed. This is the type of child that can be a bit frustrating for us. But when a well-behaved child enters the office, we rave about them for days. Why couldn't MY kid be that child?! I left the office feeling so discouraged.

Kennedy knew I was upset. About an hour later, she said in the sweetest voice, "Mommy, I'll be better for Mary Kay next time." That made me feel so good. I feel like she knew her behavior was inappropriate and that Mommy was disappointed.

Although my day didn't start off well, my mother-in-law brought up a great point. Sometimes we expect too much out of her because she's so smart. I need to remember she is only three. There are going to be times she acts like a three year old. I really feel like Jon and I do our absolute best to love and discipline her. I'm not saying we're perfect, but we're doing the best we can. One thing is for sure... Kennedy is a very independent little girl and she does things on her time. She NEVER holds back her feelings. I have no idea where she gets that from! haha!

I'm proud to be her mommy :)

4th of July FUN!

I look forward to the 4th of July every year! We always have a big family cookout after the parade. Then we watch the fireworks at night!

The parade was fun, minus the heat. No shade, plus 90 degrees, equals a lot of SWEAT! But the kids had a great time anyway. Kennedy made out like a bandit in the candy department. But I don't let her have any. She's a good kid, rarely asking. When she does ask and I say no, she says, "Yeah I can't have candy because it will break my teeth. That won't be good and mommy will be upset. Because she loves my teeth!!" lol! Seriously, this girl has a great memory. I told her that once and it stuck with her. Jon was at the rear of the parade, in the sweeper! That's right baby, OT! And boy did he look cute in that big piece of machinery... haha! Kennedy was so excited to see her daddy!! :)

After the parade, we all met back at my house for a cookout. My Aunt Linda, Uncle Rich, cousin Nikki and her whole family were all up from Florida... so that made for a really nice celebration. My mom, dad, Pete, and Brittany were also there. Yes, I said DAD. I will admit, I was a little nervous having him here with all of my mom's side, but everyone got along great! It was actually a little weird how great everyone was getting along, but I was THANKFUL nonetheless!! The adults played volleyball while the kids ran through the 'octopus' (a blow up toy that attaches to the hose and sprays water out of it). That was a HIT with the kids. Especially since it was close to 90 and very humid outside.

Every year we meet on top of St. Francis High School's hill so we can view St. Francis and Cudahy's fireworks at the same time. This also eliminates going down to Sheridan park and dealing with all the yahoos. The hill is more of a 'family friendly' fireworks viewing area. My family was there, along with Kim, Joe and the Browns... who are also family :) Kennedy and Max had a great time together, chasing one another. But they also enjoyed the fireworks too.

All-in-all, it really was a GREAT DAY! I love when family and friends get together... memories are made. I just wish Grandma were here to enjoy the holidays with us :( I love you!

Toy Story 3

Kennedy went to the theater for the very first time today! We took her to see Toy Story 3. We knew she'd LOVE it, considering she's pretty obsessed with all of the Toy Story movies right now. Then we got there and the cashier let Kennedy in for free! I don't know why, but we took the blessing. :)

The movie went well, although she was a bit fidgety throughout. At one point she stated that she was hungry so we slipped out to the concessions. I walked up and said to the lady, "What's the healthiest thing you have here?" She hesitated and said, "Water??" That made me laugh. Since Kennedy never has popcorn, I thought that would be a nice treat for her. She LOVED it.

The movie was cute. Not my favorite of the three movies, but cute. I found it to be a little dark. At one point, you think they're all going to burn up in flames! A bit harsh for a kids movie... but cute and Kennedy loved it!

Happy birthday, Grandma... I miss you!

Today my grandma would have celebrated her 70th birthday. It was a milestone she was really excited to achieve too. Unfortunately, complications from cancer took her life on March 15th, just a few months short. God wanted her before we were ready to give her up. I'm so thankful that we didn't have to see her suffer for very long. Seeing her in pain for three months was hard enough... I don't know how other families watch their loved ones suffer for years. I thank the Lord everyday for sparing her life. It could have been much worse for much longer! But I selfishly still wish she were here :(

When someone says they think about a person all the time, I wonder how often they come to mind. I think about my grandma ALL DAY LONG. Things constantly remind me of her. My house is filled with trinkets from her or that were hers, and my mind is filled with wonderful memories that I will never forget. When I sat down to write the Eulogy, I realized I could go on for days! We made a billion memories together. She was such a driving force in my life. Grandma gave me advice, whether I wanted it or not! She loved me more than I've seen anyone love another human being. I never felt like she had to prove her love, but she often told me that I was her heart. Or, "they are no competition". I don't know why she felt like she needed to always tell me, but I loved hearing it. And I reciprocated my love as often as I could. The last three months of her life were hard to watch, but also very important to me. I was able to spend almost everyday with her. We'd sit in her hospital room and play Farkle or eat orange sherbet. Talk about our day... our fears, our triumphs. I told her all the time how much she meant to me. Even if we didn't see eye-to-eye on certain things, I appreciated her counsel. Jon, Kennedy and I loved that woman like no other and we're just so appreciative of the time we had with her. Just ten minutes before she passed, when it looked like she could not respond, I asked her to squeeze my hand if she could hear me. And she did! That was so important to me because just minutes before that, I told her how much I loved and appreciated her... and how much I was going to miss her. I still cry every time she comes to mind. I just can't believe she's gone...

I sit here, changed. Before Grandma passed away, she'd tell me that I needed to start taking care of myself. She was worried I would develop diabetes... a disease that is prevalent in our family. I told her I'd lose weight when I was ready. Well April 26th came around and I decided it was time for a change. Since then, I've been eating healthy and exercising almost daily. I've lost 20 lbs so far and I'm feeling GREAT! Also, our church has gone through some changes that has made me seek God more and more. Some Sundays are still very hard for me though. When I worship God, she comes to mind. She LOVED singing, especially for God. She loved to hear me sing and was so proud of me. Grandma also loved to cook and bake. I, unfortunately, did not inherit those genes. So for me to be baking from SCRATCH is unheard of! It's a lot of work, but a lot of fun! I'm actually picking up my very own KitchenAid stand mixer tomorrow. Of course she came to mind immediately. She ALWAYS wanted one, but would talk herself out of it every time due to lack of storage in her kitchen. I know it sounds weird, but every time I use it I'm going to think of her. I know she would be so proud of me...

Kennedy has changed in the last three and a half months. She is potty trained for one. That's a HUGE deal. Grandma and I were waiting for that day for sooooo long! On April 23rd, she decided it was time to hop on the potty... and she never looked back. She turned THREE on May 9th and is turning into a little girl right before our eyes! Kennedy is so kind, nurturing and filled with love. She has a mind as sharp as a tack! Don't promise her anything if you aren't willing to go through with it, she NEVER forgets! Kennedy communicates like no other three year old... telling me her feelings, using descriptive words and similes. It's hard for her to hold in her feelings... I have no idea where she got that from. haha! But most importantly, she loves Jesus. A few nights ago, I was cuddling with her and we just finished praying. She started asking about Grandma Patty. She said, "We're going to see her when her back feels better." I told her that we wouldn't see her for a long time. "Because she's with Jesus?" -- yes. "Oh she's not in pain anymore." Nope! She's healed! Then she said that Jesus was far away and I told her that she could call on Him whenever, He's ALWAYS there for us. It was really awesome... because right before that she prayed that He would heal her knees. God is so good.

There are many times during the day I would love to just pick up the phone and call her. Every time I look at my phone, I see the picture of her and Kennedy. Since she has been gone, I find myself in situations where I need her advice. She always knew what to do. I miss her more than anything... and I love her with my whole heart. She touched so many lives while she was here and I know that God has her doing some pretty amazing things in heaven.

I can't wait to see you again, Grandma. I love you.