Hurting

I have good days and bad days... today was a bad day. I thought about Grandma A LOT. I thought about how I'll never be able to call her again. She'll never attend another one of Kennedy's birthdays. We'll never go shopping again. We'll never sit next to each other in church again :( I know none of these things compares to where she is now, but my heart just hurts. I cry a lot when I'm by myself... and I try to be strong around everyone else. Every time Kennedy sees me cry she says, "Do you miss Grandma Patty??" She knows, I can't hide it. But I try.

When does it stop hurting so bad?? :(

Grandma

My Sweet Grandma -

I miss you so much... I think about you constantly. It was gorgeous outside this week! You would've really enjoyed it. And then this morning... SNOW! You would've been irritated. haha

Your service yesterday was so beautiful. There were pictures everywhere and beautiful flowers from all around. Everyone from church came, family, friends... even old friends from Master Lock were there! A lot of your old friends and employees from Master Lock shared with me the love you had for me. They said I was all you talked about. And I finally met Barney! He is a very sweet man. I can see how you guys would talk for hours. He told me that all you talked about were your grandkids and Kennedy. He forgot you had two sons at times! haha Pastor Bob led the service and said some really wonderful things about you. Jeremy, John and Eliab played the most beautiful song for you. It's called "Save a Place for Me". They did so amazing! Jeremy sounded awesome... you would've been so proud of him. I read the eulogy and actually made it through the whole thing without completely melting down. I wanted to hold it together so people could hear what I was saying! I shared with everyone the story about that 'Christmas Story' book. You never told me you finished it!! I found it the other day and was so comforted by the sound of your voice. After the service, the ladies from church put together a very nice spread of desserts for everyone in the Fellowship Hall. I'm so thankful for EVERYONE. We sure do have the best church family! Although yesterday was very hard, I tried to just concentrate on all the wonderful memories we made together. I know I only made it through because of the Lord's strength and comfort.

Thank you for leaving behind such a great legacy. My kid's kids will know everything about you because I will tell them about our wonderful adventures together. I know you are worshiping at Jesus' feet as I write this and I rejoice with you! I know I'll see you again and I cannot WAIT! Until then, I will remember all that you taught me and I will try very hard to never disappoint you. I love you so much and I can't wait to be reunited again...

I love you,
Mo

Patricia Mae Smith
Born: 7.1.40
Home with Jesus: 3.15.2010

Beautiful?

I was putting on my makeup today, when Kennedy came up to my eye shadow and started applying it to her cheek. Of course I told her that isn't where it goes and put it away. She said she wanted some so she would be 'beautiful' too. I was shocked! How could an almost three year old think that makeup makes her beautiful?! Then I remembered in the past when I've put a little bronzer on her cheek (not enough you could ever see), and told her she looked 'soooo beautiful!!'. WHAT DID I DO TO MY CHILD?! Of course she is ALWAYS beautiful, and I tell her that ALL THE TIME! So today my response was, "Honey, you are ALWAYS beautiful. You don't need makeup to show you that." She shook her head and said 'no, I'm not'. Seriously, I feel like I live with a teenage girl! I personally can't stop wearing makeup. I'm not that great looking without it... seriously. haha And my face won't stop breaking out. I don't even have the option to forgo makeup right now. But of course I need Kennedy to know that she is always beautiful, no matter what. So I just have to make it my personal goal to keep praising her and telling her how beautiful she is... and that God doesn't mess up :)

Preschool and Potty Training

Our sweet girl is going to be three in May. I seriously cannot believe it. I also can't believe I'm filling out applications for PRESCHOOL!! This is HUGE! We're looking at a wonderful school called 'Loving Start Preschool' and from what I hear from my friend Julie, it's a pretty awesome place. Teachers are very hands on with the children as they learn how to socialize and grow with others. I'm so excited for their open house on March 28th! Preschool... sheesh! Next thing you know, I'll be helping her fill out college applications. Time sure does fly.

Side note:
Something that made me laugh yesterday...

Melissa and I were at the store today when Kennedy cried out, "Mommy, I'm pooping! ...there's no changing table!!" haha we laughed so hard. But I'm disappointed at the same time. I wish she WANTED to use the potty. She has absolutely NO desire. Someday soon, I hope. I really hope by fall, this won't even be an issue!!

Funny Things

I just HAD to blog this so I wouldn't forget!

I was going to the bathroom the other day when Kennedy barged in and exclaimed, "Mommy, do you need a tampon?!" lol, I almost lost it. She knows when I need something I just reach into the linen closet to get it. Needless to say, she likes to help..... :)

One more cute thing.
Yesterday, my mother-in-law called to tell me something Kennedy said. The conversation went like this...

Val: "Kennedy, do you love Riley?"
Kennedy: "Yes."
V: "Do you love Brandon?" (that's her dog)
K: "Yes."
V: "Do you love Noelle?" (my grandma's dog)
K: "Yes."
V: "Do you love Petie?" (my grandma's cat that we had to put down three weeks ago)
K: "She's not here. She's in heaven with Jesus." Then she said, "I like to pray."

I had tears in my eyes when she told me that. I love that my daughter knows and UNDERSTANDS Jesus. We pray every night and she knew that who we prayed to, is where Petie went. I thought that was really sweet. I know I sound biased, but I really think my daughter is very smart! She has conversations with us and understands things I wouldn't think a 2.5 yr old would get. I'm a very lucky mommy. She is healthy... and beautiful, inside and out! More and more everyday I see how caring and nurturing she is becoming. I'm a proud mommy ;)

I love you so much, my sweet sweet girl!!!

Updates

WOW! It has been a long time since I blogged. Well, there has been a lot of change to report. About a month ago, we found out my grandma has lung cancer. She spent a month in the hospital and endured two painful surgeries. My days consisted of running back and forth visiting with her, in between working and taking care of Kennedy. I'm so glad she's finally home. We've always been very close, so this is a very hard time for me right now. I love her more than anything and I don't want to lose her...

On a lighter note, our sweet Kennedy is changing daily. Adding even more sentences and words to her vocabulary. Which unfortunately means she's acquiring a little smart mouth too. I'm trying hard to nip that in the bud FAST! Along with her grammar, we've changed her appearance a bit. She had her very first haircut on 1/25/10. Her hair was out of control and Jenny Villa was kind enough to take it on! It's beautifully tamed now. I've noticed it's been growing like weeds since then! Curly hair requires so much maintenance... sheesh!

I attended my very first home birth this month! Sarahbeth had her baby boy - Justin Alan Jones Jr. (better known as 'Deuce') in water on 2/9/10. He was a healthy baby, weighing in at 9lbs 5oz. I couldn't believe it! He didn't look that big to me! Being a part of her home birth was an amazing experience. It was completely different from a hospital birth. Everyone was calm and collected and Sarahbeth took every contraction like a champ. I'm proud of her and I only wish I can do the same when I give birth again!

A few days after Deuce's birth, I took a trip with some wonderful friends back to the 'Magnolia Ridge Hideaway'. It was a relaxing, fun time filled with LOTS of laughter, great conversation, food, and of course scrapbooking! I love that place and I can't wait to go back!!