Heartbreak/Heartbeat

I had a rough morning today. I woke up and ended up in the bathroom numerous times due to tummy issues. Then got Kennedy to class where Miss Francine told me we missed a great night yesterday at school... it was dinosaur night and I forgot about it until ten minutes before we were supposed to be there. I don't know why, but as I drove home I started crying because I forgot to bring her. I felt bad for my child missing out on fun activities and ultimately, felt like a crappy parent for forgetting. Those hormones triggered other thoughts... my grandma. I started sobbing, almost uncontrollably the entire way home. I sat in my driveway and wept some more. March 15th is approaching fast and I keep thinking, "Was there something we could've done differently??" I know it was God's will to take her when He did and I'm not questioning that, but I just miss her so much and I want her back. I think about her multiple times throughout the day and it never seems to get easier. It's so hard without her here :'(

After I wiped the tears from my eyes and got ready, I headed to my prenatal appointment. I was really excited because today would be the first day I'd be meeting Dr. Claudia Koch. She came HIGHLY recommended by many of my friends and my insurance even rated her in the top! She's very much into natural birthing/home birthing. In fact, her mother is a midwife in Germany, where they are from. We started talking about my labor and delivery with Kennedy and I could tell she was excited to learn that I wanted to exact opposite this time around. No induction, no epidural, only naturally... the way God intended it! And then I heard the heartbeat... ahhh, one of the most beautiful sounds ever!! I've heard Kennedy's a million times before, but it never gets old. It's so special :) I was excited because she found the heartbeat immediately and it was 150. I jokingly asked her, "Ok, so is it a boy or a girl??" We spoke some more and I left the office very excited. She was exactly the doctor I was looking for! She knows my plan and supports me 100%. And I've never seen such a caring/loving OB. I'm so thankful I found her (thanks SB!).

Kennedy has been talking about the baby more and more lately. When the baby comes... THIS and THAT. She told me the other day that she wants the baby's car seat next to hers in the car. She's just as excited as we are. We're all so anxious to meet him/her!!

SNOWED IN!

I woke up right before 6am yesterday, just in time to see Jon go through waist-deep snow to reach the plow that was picking him up for work. There was no getting his car out of our driveway! It was INSANE outside. I have never seen this much snow in my entire life! Cudahy got 18in total, but in most places there were 4-6ft high drifts! Obviously Kennedy and I weren't going anywhere, so I decided to make the best of our day.

We started off by taking a shower. Is that weird that I just said that?? I have no clue why I thought I was going to get ready, but it was fun seeing her be a big girl and finish her shower all by herself! She loved that I left her 'in charge' of getting all the soap off. In fact, she loved it so much, the little munchkin ran us right out of hot water! She was shivering and decided it was time to come out. We ate lunch after that and decided it was time to play in the snow. She LOVED it of course. What kid doesn't?? I took tons of pictures so I could remember this epic blizzard and we played for a long time after. She was having so much fun, she cried when I told her we had to come in! As we walked in the house I reminded her that we had cookies to frost/decorate. She perked up quickly!

Decorating our cookies took a while and after that, we just hung out. No agenda. Jon will be working TONS of overtime this week, so we won't be seeing much of him. :( I love the time I have with Kennedy, but we miss Daddy a lot. His check will be pretty sweet though, and that will be nice! I appreciate him more than I can ever put into words. He works so hard for our family and I'm very thankful for everything he does. We love him sooooooooo much!!! :)

FUN with Kennedy

I woke up yesterday morning and looked out the window. Ok, so we didn't have 4-5in of snow on the ground like I was hoping for, but the end of my driveway looked like it would be tough to pass through and the roads were very messy - on top of my car being HORRIBLE in the snow. So I decided to call Kennedy in from school. I felt bad at first, knowing that she hasn't missed a day yet, but I knew safety should come first.

I thought quickly about how and what we would do to fill our morning. I started with a little lesson plan... writing upper and lowercase letters, counting to twenty a bunch of times and drawing all of our shapes. Then we had craft time! This consisted of a 'special Valentine' she made for seven different people. Don't be sad if you didn't make the cut. She got tired after a while! :) After that, we made sugar cookies in the shape of small/large hearts and butterflies (can you tell I have a girl?!). They were too warm to frost, so we decided we'd decorate them the following day.

After a full morning of basically homeschooling, I confirmed it again... homeschooling is not for me. Our personalities clashed so much! She kept getting frustrated with me explaining directions to her. I was being extremely patient, even explaining the same thing a few different ways to see if her reaction would change. It didn't. This is something that doesn't seem to be an issue for her at school or at church. I'm so thankful for our educated teachers who know how to handle EVERY type of personality! 'Homeschooling' wasn't awful, by any stretch of the imagination, and I thoroughly enjoyed being with her during all of our fun activities. She even looked over at me during craft time and said, "Mommy, I like hanging out with you." What's better than that?!

I had to work at 2pm, but like I said, really enjoyed my morning with our little sweetie! Again I'm reminded that my days alone with her are numbered and to take advantage of EVERY second we have with her before baby comes and 'takes over'! ;)

Family Date Night(s)

Friday night, the three of us went to Mayfair for some quick shopping and then to dinner at a new Mexican restaurant we've never tried. At one point during dinner, Jon looked up at me and said, "Your bad attitude is really making it hard for me to enjoy our time together." OUCH. But he was right. I was a 'pregnant grouch', as he named me. I had no right to be cranky, but here were just a few reasons why I was...

1. We waited 25 minutes to be seated.
2. It was already after 7:30pm before we even sat down.
3. Our waitress was slow.
4. The chili conqueso I so desired was AWFUL.
5. My meal wasn't that great.
6. Kennedy barely touched her dinner.

So, yes, I had reasons to be cranky, but no reason was good enough to make my husband's night so undesirable. I was a monster and I felt terrible.

I decided to redeem myself Saturday night. Worship practice and a ladies brunch at church occupied my late morning/early afternoon. After Kennedy's nap, I wanted to take her somewhere FUN! She quickly fell asleep, knowing she'd be waking up to a good time after. We wanted to keep it a surprise, so as we drove to Jump Zone, I could see her wheels turning. At one point she said, "Mommy, I LIKE surprises!!" Well of course you do, they're always in your favor! - that was Jon's response to her - I laughed. We had a great time at Jump Zone, which is a lot like Monkey Joe's, full of inflatables the kids can jump in and slide down. Next time, we'll meet some of her friends there. It makes for a better time when you're running around with kids you know and not just complete strangers.

After Jump Zone, we stopped at Panera for dinner (another favorite of Kennedy's). We enjoyed a nice dinner together and lots of good conversation!

Kohl's was our next stop. We needed shirts to wear for the Super Bowl! :)

Last stop before home - DQ. (Yes, I had a bad eating day.) Kennedy ordered a chocolate ice cream sandwich, I got a small Oreo Blizzard, and Jon, the Peanut Buster Parfait. We came home and relaxed/devoured our treats. Then it was bed time.

Overall, I had a wonderful time with my family this weekend. Kennedy is growing so fast and with the new baby on the way, I want to soak up every minute with her!! I wish my attitude would've been better on Friday, but I hopefully redeemed myself on Saturday! I love my family.

12 weeks!!

Baby is a whopping 2.13in in length and weighs in at .49 ounces! The liver has developed and is now being put to use. Ears and eyes have moved to their correct positions and the pancreas has begun producing insulin! (I'm still in awe of all that happens so early on!) God is GOOD!!

Well, I wrote my title with TWO exclamation points because I'm 12 weeks and I'm hoping that this pesky 'morning sickness' will soon fade! I've gained a couple of pounds so far, but will soon be dropping them. I'm back on Weight Watchers and have already lost 2lbs this week so far! My tummy is starting to round, but still looks flabby. I got my first, "Oh, you're finally starting to LOOK pregnant!" comment this week. Not sure if it's too soon or not, but again, I'm am no twig and this is our second child. ;) My goal isn't to get 'skinny', my goal is to stay healthy and gain minimal weight (8-10lbs). Now I just need to get my butt back in the gym 3-4 days a week. Even if it's just walking fast. It's good stuff for baby!

I'm not as concerned with what's going to happen after baby is born. I have a renewed peace and I know I'll make it through! I have a HUGE support system who will help my through the tough 'newborn' times. All is well! :)

I love my life.

I am so BLESSED.

I have a pretty amazing bunch of people who surround me in my life. A great family and the most WONDERFUL friends. It's hard to imagine life before being a wife and mom. I look at Kennedy and my heart just melts into a million pieces. My husband treats me with the utmost respect and always thinks of me. I'll admit that I sometimes don't always do the same for him, but with a little guidance (Proverbs 31) I try not to lose sight of what God expects of me. And my friends... I have TRUE friends who don't care about my flaws and who love and respect me no matter what. I'm so thankful for their love, encouragement and support!! I don't know where I'd be without my sisters in Christ!

I guess when something bad happens to you, sometimes you just have to remind yourself how blessed you are and who really matters.

10 weeks

I'm 10 weeks today -- quarter of the way done!! Woo hoo! I hate that I'm gaining weight. But as soon as my 'morning sickness' ends and I feel like I don't have to eat every hour, I will be able to get back on track. I miss going to the Y 4-5 times a week. Right now, I'm lucky if I make it there once a week.

I'm anxious. In 30 weeks, we're going to have another person in our house to care for. That freaks me out! Right now life is so easy. Kennedy is independent and does so much on her own. In 30 weeks, I'm going to have to start over... but this time, I'll have another child to care for. Instead of putting all my focus on baby, I'm going to have to split my time. I don't even know how I'm going to love this baby as much as I love Kennedy. When he/she is born, I will already have had FOUR years and THREE months with Kennedy. I've enjoyed my time with her so much!!

The first month after baby is born is going to be challenging. My boobs are going to ache, I'll be sleep-deprived and changing diapers again - yuck - and the only advice I get from people is, "You'll figure it out." And as far as loving another child, "You just will." It's hard for me to picture right now, but I'm sure I will fall into the new routine and do just fine. This time around, I need to rely on my family and friends more. I didn't want to inconvenience anyone after Kennedy's birth, but I know it's going to be a bit more challenging for me this time. I'm going to need help with chores and meals are going to be very much appreciated! I had a hard time breastfeeding with Kennedy and I know I didn't take advantage of the people who could help me most. So this time, I'm going to wise up, and accept the help I'll need immediately! :)