Heartbreak/Heartbeat

I had a rough morning today. I woke up and ended up in the bathroom numerous times due to tummy issues. Then got Kennedy to class where Miss Francine told me we missed a great night yesterday at school... it was dinosaur night and I forgot about it until ten minutes before we were supposed to be there. I don't know why, but as I drove home I started crying because I forgot to bring her. I felt bad for my child missing out on fun activities and ultimately, felt like a crappy parent for forgetting. Those hormones triggered other thoughts... my grandma. I started sobbing, almost uncontrollably the entire way home. I sat in my driveway and wept some more. March 15th is approaching fast and I keep thinking, "Was there something we could've done differently??" I know it was God's will to take her when He did and I'm not questioning that, but I just miss her so much and I want her back. I think about her multiple times throughout the day and it never seems to get easier. It's so hard without her here :'(

After I wiped the tears from my eyes and got ready, I headed to my prenatal appointment. I was really excited because today would be the first day I'd be meeting Dr. Claudia Koch. She came HIGHLY recommended by many of my friends and my insurance even rated her in the top! She's very much into natural birthing/home birthing. In fact, her mother is a midwife in Germany, where they are from. We started talking about my labor and delivery with Kennedy and I could tell she was excited to learn that I wanted to exact opposite this time around. No induction, no epidural, only naturally... the way God intended it! And then I heard the heartbeat... ahhh, one of the most beautiful sounds ever!! I've heard Kennedy's a million times before, but it never gets old. It's so special :) I was excited because she found the heartbeat immediately and it was 150. I jokingly asked her, "Ok, so is it a boy or a girl??" We spoke some more and I left the office very excited. She was exactly the doctor I was looking for! She knows my plan and supports me 100%. And I've never seen such a caring/loving OB. I'm so thankful I found her (thanks SB!).

Kennedy has been talking about the baby more and more lately. When the baby comes... THIS and THAT. She told me the other day that she wants the baby's car seat next to hers in the car. She's just as excited as we are. We're all so anxious to meet him/her!!