The Healing Garden

On Tuesday, I had to go to the hospital for the first time since Grandma passed. As I climbed the levels in the parking structure, my heart grew heavy. I parked the car and just cried. Walking to the elevator, through the halls, down the stairs, up another elevator, into the North building... I held it together pretty well. Maybe it was because grandma wasn't in that building long. Or maybe it was Kennedy, who picked out flowers for her auntie and proudly carried them all the way to her room. That gained a lot of attention. Everyone commented on how cute and helpful she was! A little old lady actually gave Kennedy $1 for 'being such a big helper'. She was very sweet! We had a nice visit with Melissa, who was recovering from gallbladder surgery.

Today we visited my dad, who had his knee replaced yesterday. I knew today would be hard. His room is located in the Patient Tower... the same building Grandma spent most of her time in during her hospital stay. We got to the main elevators of the Tower. I was ok thus far. We climbed to the 11th floor... oh no... she was on this floor during recovery at one point. I look up - whew! ...my dad's room is to the right. (Grandma's was on the left) We walked into his room and gave him hugs and kisses. As I approached the window and commented on what a beautiful view he had, I looked down and noticed that his room overlooked The Healing Garden. I buried my head in my hands and wept. The Healing Garden is a wonderful place patients can go to enjoy an abundance of live plants, fresh air and the sounds of trickling water. I took Grandma there on a cold February night, the day after her second surgery. We couldn't enjoy the outside area of the garden, but thoroughly enjoyed the inside.

It was a Tuesday night. I stopped at Kohl's on the way to the hospital and bought Grandma a few outfits and a pair of tennis shoes. Then I picked us up a couple of burritos from Chipotle. I'll never forget the look on her face when I arrived. She was so happy to see me. Happy because I bought her new clothes. Happy because she was going to eat something she had never eaten before... but most of all, happy because I was there. After we finished dinner, I made her try on all of her clothes. We put on a little fashion show right there in that hospital room. Her nurses loved it all! And boy, did she look adorable in everything! With her back pain and other issues, she lost a large amount of weight very quickly. Grandma always joked, "Well, one good thing came out of this mess... I finally lost the weight I'd been wanting to lose all these years!" She was so silly. We'd been trying to get down to The Healing Garden for some time, so I asked her if she wanted to go on a little adventure. She threw on a new outfit and we headed down to the 8th floor. Grandma LOVED plants, so this was right up her alley. She didn't get as excited as I had hoped, but I knew she was just exhausted from the surgery. We spent some time talking and time being still. I could tell she had a lot on her mind but I didn't pressure her to share her thoughts. I took a few pictures of her in front of the plants and we headed back to her room. She turned on a show and we both started dozing off. Around 10:30 I kissed her goodnight and told her I'd see her tomorrow.

After our visit with my dad, I decided to take a little detour... to The Healing Garden. Tears welled up in my eyes as soon as we opened the doors. I showed Kennedy exactly where Grandma Patty sat that day I wheeled her down. I cried and Kennedy consoled me the best way she knew how. "It's ok, Mommy." We went outside and enjoyed the rest of the garden. At that point, I was trying to catch my breath from crying. We made so many memories together, her and I. This was just a small one, but one that I hold in so close to me. I took a picture of Kennedy in the same spot Grandma sat. I cried. Then I sat next to her and we talked about Grandma. Another couple walked in and I hesitated, but then asked if he would take a picture of Kennedy and I in that spot. I balled my eyes out as we walked out...

I think about her constantly. Today was a very rough day for me and I selfishly wish she were still here. Not in pain, but here and healthy. Praise God that she is with the Lord, worshipping Him at this very moment. But I long for just one last hug from her... one where I have to bend down to reach her five foot frame. We'd squeeze the life out of each other. I just miss that.

I'm not sure why I decided to share this, but I know that writing helps me get through the hard times. Thanks for reading, and thanks for being there for me.

I love you, Grandma and I'll never stop thinking about you. Until we meet again...